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The Day Life Changed
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"I thought I was going home that day—but not like that,” Gary said, shaking his head with a wry smile. One moment, he was helping a friend look under a car; the next, he was flat on his back, dazed, as someone told him, “You’re having a stroke.” It was an ordinary moment shattered.
Just days earlier, Gary had been at the top of his career, running an engineering company with projects spanning from Hawaii to Israel. “I loved it,” he said, recalling a new system he designed to generate power from wasted heat. But life had other plans.
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The stroke hit suddenly, with few warnings besides gym-induced headaches and grogginess. That day, Gary collapsed as he slid out from under a car. Luckily, a firefighter friend recognized the symptoms and called 911. “This can’t be real. Not me. Not now,” Gary thought as he was rushed to the hospital.
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A World Turned Upside Down
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Gary’s wife, Pat, got the news soon after. Turning on her phone, she found 15 missed calls. The hospital had already made emergency decisions. “You panic,” she recalled. “But you stay on autopilot. You just do.”
Gary was flown to a stroke recovery center in Reno, while Pat and her daughter drove the longest 45 minutes of their lives. Upon arriving, they learned the devastating news: half of Gary’s brain was affected, and doctors doubted he would walk again. “Hearing that, I believed it for a moment. How could I not?” Pat said.
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But despite the grave predictions, Gary was determined to fight. “If I could get into the ambulance, I could get around the hospital,” he argued when nurses brought him a wheelchair. Still, his confidence waned when he got lost trying to wheel himself to the emergency room entrance. “I wanted to go home,” Gary laughed, though it was no joke at the time.​
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Small Steps, Big Wins
Once home, reality set in. The house they had carefully remodeled no longer met Gary’s needs. They widened doorways, installed grab bars, and removed heavy doors to make the space more accessible. “Every change felt like a reminder of how much we’d lost,” Pat said. But there were victories along the way.
Gary went from relying on a wheelchair for weeks to cautiously walking with a walker. “The day he stood up and started walking again… it was two years later, but it felt like a miracle,” Pat shared. Still, the fight was far from over.
Insurance battles became a chronic source of frustration. “You’re no longer covered because they don’t think you’ll improve anymore,” Pat recalled bitterly. But a defiant physical therapist reignited hope. “She said, ‘Forget that. You’ll get there,’” Gary said. “Hearing that made all the difference.”​
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A New Normal
The stroke didn't just affect Gary’s body; it transformed his sense of self. On good days, he could talk about engineering projects with clarity. On bad days, his mind wandered to outdated memories, like buying software at long-closed stores. “He remembers everything before,” Pat explained. “But after? It’s like walking into a fog.”
Their relationship also changed. “Depression is part of it,” Pat said. “Gary does well around others, but at home, there’s a heaviness.” Frustration boiled over when Gary struggled with tasks he once performed effortlessly. “It’s hard, being the person who sees that side,” Pat admitted.​
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The Power of Community
What sustained them was finding a supportive community. Support groups became their lifeline, offering understanding and camaraderie. “You’re surrounded by people who get it,” Gary said. For Pat, connecting with other caregivers was essential. “You can vent without judgment,” she shared.
Outside these circles, though, loneliness lingered. “People disappear,” Gary lamented. “They don’t know what to say, so they stay away." But Gary and Pat kept going, drawing strength from those who stayed by their side.
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​Lessons Learned
​When asked for advice, Gary offered simple yet powerful words of encouragement. “It’ll improve,” he said. Though he admitted the process was neither easy nor quick, he believed in the possibility of progress. Pat added, “Don’t believe the ones who tell you how far you’ll go. We’re still proving people wrong 17 years later.” She also emphasized the emotional toll caregiving takes. “This isn’t a sprint. It’s a marathon. And on the hardest days, you need your people."
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Moving Forward, Together
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Today, Gary and Pat continue their recovery, managing both setbacks and victories. While Gary has faced regressions in recent years, his optimism remains intact. “Seventeen years,” he marveled. “I wasn’t supposed to live this long, much less walk again.” Pat smirked in agreement. “We’re stubborn,” she said.
Their story remains imperfect, messy, and real. But it’s also a testament to resilience, determination, and love. For Gary and Pat, life doesn’t look like what they’d planned. It’s unpredictable and challenging, yet filled with moments of hope and triumph.
“We’re here. And we’re still moving forward,” Gary said. Because that’s what survivors do. And that’s what love does. It keeps going, one step at a time.
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